now

Actually i don't know the feeling of "i am alone" hunt me down like this. Why would i feel so bad about this? What would you expect from a relationship? Maybe i was expecting the wrong thing and too much, that's why every rejection turns to a disappointment. I don't know was it me that became too emotionally rely on my new boy.

Even though you are in relationships, sometimes you still have to go through the time while you are alone, get through the loneliness. Get through the time while you don't feel like doing anything and no one is there to spend time with you.

After i was so drunk, until i slept and cry on the table for 2 hours, my Korean colleague, the married guy, who has the papa feel kept on telling me to be strong. He said Korean guys only cry on 3 things: when their country die; when their parents die, when their wife dies. Then a successful person like him saying that there was some downtime with him too, that the life was not the life he wanted and he went to a church, and every words "they" said touched his heart and make him wants to cry. Speaking till here, his tears were starting to drop. That should be a really hard time, or a touching time for him. You get to see something different when people are drunk. Then he kept telling me to be strong and stop crying. Yes, i really want to stop it.

i realized maybe someone inside me just went away, that's why i am so weak. That man is god.

低潮

今年應該是25年來人生最低潮吧。覺得自己不被重視，覺得各方要求都太高。終于我爆炸了。結果要吃半年的葯。把自己搞成這樣。。。

也許是自己太執著了嗎？但是不執著怎麽得到想要的東西呢？又或許想要的東西真的太多太遙遠了。最近在藥物的幫助下終于不再那麽敏感，不再那麽容易想哭了。覺得輕鬆很多~還好是吃葯就會好的病。爲什麽凡事都要追求完美呢？爲什麽那麽害怕寂寞呢？

也許生活失去了平衡。bass 也幾乎兩個月沒碰了。兩個月沒運動。

現在呢？要快樂地活著，甘於平凡，時間快點過。還有繼續進步。

感謝大家的支持。我會撐過去的。

最近要像個大人。

最近生活充滿變數。當覺得一切好像可以就這樣順順利利地繼續下去的時候，生活間接地被身邊的人改變了。所以沒有東西是不會變的。家裡發生了一些不愉快事件。覺得能夠自由地無牽無掛地使用自己的時間真的是很難得的事。

最近覺得喜歡做的事都提不起勁去做了。不想出去拍照，不想去書店，不想看書，不想去博物館，不想逛街，不想買衣服，不想學programming 學投資，不想搞藝術。。。只想快快把工作做完。魚仔叫我“放鬆滴，放鬆滴，不要把自己逼得太緊！”希望那個什麼都想做的我趕快回來。

我需要更積極地生活態度！還有我應該改變把什麼事情都看得很重的態度！

最近會認真思考自己想要的到底是怎麼樣的生活，成為什麼樣的人。

覺得剛畢業的我確實還蠻可愛的。雄心壯志。哈！現在好像變成了當時自己眼中的俗人 :/

你還相信改變嗎？2011年海嘯席捲了日本。當時的我坐在電腦前面。看著現場直播的畫面時還沒有覺得怎麼樣。事後確覺得好可怕。1995年神戶大地震過後村上春樹出了一本書《神的孩子都在跳舞》。寫的都是大地震後。

Ur brain will fill up what you read

after reading Haruki, i like Beatles even more...

Recently Hor...

yeay~ finally im able to play some proper song~ "That Thing You Do"
what i've learnt from playing this super fast song (maybe just for me)?
DON'T LOOK BACK AND DON'T THINK TOO MUCH, FOCUS!
one second of distraction could cause disaster~~
hopefully would be able to upload a video soon~

It was fun and satisfying~ after 6 lessons~ wow wow~ Thanks Martin!
Recently, those "messy thoughts" are gone~ some good and some bad about it.hmm...

Hope to play again in the next morning!
The To Do List is being filled up slowly :)

TO DO:
-progress in work (finish the Comp Book)
-speake proper English (somehow, am slowing down. more practise needed)
-Do Vertical Marathon Challenge at list once per 2 days x100 storeys
-and make some pocket $$ (hehe)

how do you live?

my schedule:

Mon: Bass lessons
Tue: Badminton game
Wed: Staircase training
Thu: yeay~
Fri: Yeay~
Sat: Yeay~ reading day, or family day
Sun: Yeay~ or family day

and have to slot these in: English (hopefully will slot in on Thu or Fri), Investment, Self improvement in CG techniques, bass practise, fine art training, andHANG OUT WITH FRIENDS

Wow~ can't wait to go back to work~!

生活手札

有时，生活是很艺术的，另一面却不得不面对铜臭那一面的现实。
我想，就是因为那一句“天上的星星笑地上的人，总是不能够不能觉得足够”在搞鬼吧！

百感交集。想要抒发的时候却语塞~~~
恩~只想快点找到方法来实现梦想。

有没有必要呢？
一个时代的 Culture & Value 的确是看不到，感觉虚无抽象，然而每分每秒实实在在不知不觉地影响着人们的决定。
在看了“How Art Made the World” DVD 和书本 The Tipping Point，还有一系列村上春树的小说后，深深感受到了何谓一个时代的 "Culture & Value"。还有小说潜藏的力量-- 潜移默化。把什么放在脑中，就得到怎样的世界。

这个世纪是追求财富的世界。媒体的潜移默化不可小觑。因为出身科班，知道广告是怎么回事（据脑袋认知，广告就是打广告的人要控制观众的 "Value"。我把它解读成“思想控制”）。于是不知不觉地对“主流”感到无所谓，还怀有小小的轻视（比如说女人MUST化妆,买贵贵的保养品；尤其是高跟鞋，简直是自虐！。。。）。还是觉得多认识一些朋友的生活样貌比较有趣。轻视归轻视，还是不得不先跟着时代走。

啊。。。脑袋漫游在另一个世界。当下的我还是要踏踏实实地走出去！做！