now

Actually i don't know the feeling of "i am alone" hunt me down like this. Why would i feel so bad about this? What would you expect from a relationship? Maybe i was expecting the wrong thing and too much, that's why every rejection turns to a disappointment. I don't know was it me that became too emotionally rely on my new boy.

Even though you are in relationships, sometimes you still have to go through the time while you are alone, get through the loneliness. Get through the time while you don't feel like doing anything and no one is there to spend time with you.

After i was so drunk, until i slept and cry on the table for 2 hours, my Korean colleague, the married guy, who has the papa feel kept on telling me to be strong. He said Korean guys only cry on 3 things: when their country die; when their parents die, when their wife dies. Then a successful person like him saying that there was some downtime with him too, that the life was not the life he wanted and he went to a church, and every words "they" said touched his heart and make him wants to cry. Speaking till here, his tears were starting to drop. That should be a really hard time, or a touching time for him. You get to see something different when people are drunk. Then he kept telling me to be strong and stop crying. Yes, i really want to stop it.

i realized maybe someone inside me just went away, that's why i am so weak. That man is god.