now

Actually i don't know the feeling of "i am alone" hunt me down like this. Why would i feel so bad about this? What would you expect from a relationship? Maybe i was expecting the wrong thing and too much, that's why every rejection turns to a disappointment. I don't know was it me that became too emotionally rely on my new boy.

Even though you are in relationships, sometimes you still have to go through the time while you are alone, get through the loneliness. Get through the time while you don't feel like doing anything and no one is there to spend time with you.

After i was so drunk, until i slept and cry on the table for 2 hours, my Korean colleague, the married guy, who has the papa feel kept on telling me to be strong. He said Korean guys only cry on 3 things: when their country die; when their parents die, when their wife dies. Then a successful person like him saying that there was some downtime with him too, that the life was not the life he wanted and he went to a church, and every words "they" said touched his heart and make him wants to cry. Speaking till here, his tears were starting to drop. That should be a really hard time, or a touching time for him. You get to see something different when people are drunk. Then he kept telling me to be strong and stop crying. Yes, i really want to stop it.

i realized maybe someone inside me just went away, that's why i am so weak. That man is god.

低潮

今年應該是25年來人生最低潮吧。覺得自己不被重視，覺得各方要求都太高。終于我爆炸了。結果要吃半年的葯。把自己搞成這樣。。。

也許是自己太執著了嗎？但是不執著怎麽得到想要的東西呢？又或許想要的東西真的太多太遙遠了。最近在藥物的幫助下終于不再那麽敏感，不再那麽容易想哭了。覺得輕鬆很多~還好是吃葯就會好的病。爲什麽凡事都要追求完美呢？爲什麽那麽害怕寂寞呢？

也許生活失去了平衡。bass 也幾乎兩個月沒碰了。兩個月沒運動。

現在呢？要快樂地活著，甘於平凡，時間快點過。還有繼續進步。

感謝大家的支持。我會撐過去的。